Take cover– agents'customer from hell on rampage

News Category: Industry News

Here is an urgent SOS to all estate agents in the South-West: leave right now, as the world’s worst customer from hell is on the loose. Do not under-estimate the gravity of the situation.

Liz Jones, the Mail’s famously demented tell-it-like-it-is columnist, has decided to sell her farmhouse on Exmoor to buy somewhere else in the region.

She has, she says, already put the farm on the market. If you are the agent concerned, you may be reading this from a quiet side ward.

Meanwhile, Jones has entered what she calls “the mire of the property market, where men are called Jasper and the women are blonde and stupid and inevitably work part-time”.

How, she wonders, “do these cack-handed morons stay in business?”

So, what have the West Country agents done to annoy her? You have to bear in mind that you don’t actually have to do anything much to goad this particular lady into paroxysms of fury. Probably just breathing would do it.

One agent annoyed her twice over. First by having a red face, and then by calling her ‘Mrs’ to which she shrieked back ‘Miss’.

Other agents have merely inquired if she has registered with them, to which she storms: “Why do I have to give you my inside leg measurement and bra size in order to find out how many acres it has?”

Then there are the sales particulars, which also raise her blood pressure as “nothing is ever as it seems”. 

“I have,” she says, “entered a parallel universe where the English language is routinely slaughtered.”

She has already made a couple of offers on properties. So, you can imagine how scathing she is about the agents who have advised her that she is not exactly in a position to proceed, as she hasn’t sold her own house.

I can’t imagine any of the agents will even dare mention her well-documented financial troubles, which could also mean she hasn’t got any money, nor the fact that she is at war with all her current neighbours.

She did, after all, claim that local shop-workers have learning difficulties and that “if men have teeth in the West Country, it’s a bonus”.

We think she will test agents in the area to well beyond their limits. And it could blow your chance of an ESTA, if she fills in the consumer satisfaction form.


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